On Being with Krista Tippett; Remembering Thich Nhat Hanh, Brother Thay
"Tippett: I wonder if you can think of, say, a situation where you think you might have done something differently than you would have before, a concrete way in which it changed your action or reaction in some way.
Ward: When my mother passed away, about seven years ago, I was actually on vacation with my wife and some friends in Costa Rica. And I was in a small village that only had two telephones, one private, one public; the public one did not work. This was around Christmastime. So when I was finally able to get a phone and call, I found out my mother died. And so I went — took three days to get back to Cleveland, where she was, and by that time, she was already buried. And my father was overwhelmed with grief. And he was so overwhelmed with grief that after the burial, he went home and he shut the door and he wouldn’t let any of the children in the house.
So I started sending him flowers and love letters over six months’ time. And I would go visit, and I’d sit outside the house and bring my flowers and put them on the porch — and this is after flying from Idaho or wherever I was — and I knew he was in there, and I’d leave them, and then I’d go on and visit my sister, you know, etc., etc. And finally he opened the door, which was, to me, opening the door to himself. And so now we’re in a totally different environment and a different situation. And I’m certain that without the practice, that is not how I would have responded to an experience of “rejection.”
I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. If I’d have been operating out of that mindset of my youth, I would’ve just said, you know, Forget you. And instead, I was able to understand what was happening to my father. I could see and feel his suffering, his tremendous heartbreak. I knew that he didn’t have any training in dealing with emotion — none. And I knew that in my family, my mother was the emotional intelligence, and that when she passed away, he had no skills, no capacity to handle the huge ocean of grief he found himself in. So my practice was to communicate to him that I was there for him, that I supported him, and that I loved him, but my practice also was to hold compassion for him and myself and my family so that we could all go through our grieving process peacefully, and at our own pace...
Tippett: A cynic would say, well, he can give these beautiful teachings about ending violence, and then there are these individuals who come to a retreat like this, who are clearly taking this seriously and taking this back to their lives, but they’re just drops in the ocean.
Ward: That is true. I am a drop in the ocean; but I’m also the ocean. I’m a drop in America, but I’m also America. Every pain, every confusion, every good and every bad and every ugly of America is in me. And as I’m able to transform myself and heal myself and take care of myself, I’m very conscious that I’m healing and transforming and taking care of America. Particularly I’m saying this for American cynics — [laughs] but this is also true globally. And so as we’re able, however small, however slowly, it’s for real.
Tippett: Larry Ward co-founded The Lotus Institute, a meditation center devoted to the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. In 2020 he published a new book, America’s Racial Karma: An Invitation to Heal."
